A few months ago my husband and son informed me they were getting 2 “fancy rats.”  I guess fancy means they are not riddled with bubonic plague and don’t come from sewers, what a relief.  They also don’t cook gourmet meals while perched atop  my son’s head, kind of a disappointment.  So what DO they do?  They twitch pointy little noses while scurrying across your arm and shoulders, bb-sized gonads dragging behind their cord like tail.  Now bb’s may seems small, but these balls are disproportionately large compared to their their grey and white baby rat bodies.   I didn’t even mind the occasional shit sprinkles they left on me in the beginning — solid, firm, and scooped up with a bleach wipe — easy disposal.  But those damn testes running up and down my son’ts arm are very unnerving.

I  looked into getting them neutered so I won’t have to look at them hanging there and  called the nearest exotic animal veterinarian clinic (exotic being a nice way of saying ugly-ass animals that shouldn’t be anyone’s pet).   The procedure is $250 per animal , not counting the $124 for their initial exams!   A friend suggested some comparison shopping, so now I am adding that to my holiday to do list….

They  really aren’t exhibiting any aggressive behavior to warrant castration, and since they are brothers neither can  get the other pregnant (I hope)!  So why neuter them?! I guess it says something about me that I can handle rat shit but not rat balls — I have yet to see any species’ set of jewels that have bedazzled me.    If they floated  like itty bitty rat balloons I would have some peace, but they  do not.  These are small fuzzy cement sacks making a path over a wood shaving lined cage, through my child’s hair, and over my coffee table when the said father son team is training them for the the friggin rat Olympics.  They even invested in building a maze to have “races to the cheese” – place your bets now!  I would put my odds on  the one I turn into a eunuch.  It will be an experiment in the negative effects of testes on speed.   Alas, the rodents only live 2 years (there is a G-d!), so it’s not worth the investment.  I will just have endure by averting my eyes or girding their loins.  Now off to shop for exotic animal nut cups.  Happy holidays!